Green Eggs and Ham: A Tragic Story
by JamesTheGreater
Summary: Sam has a new snack that she wants Freddie to try. Will she be able to convince him? Inspired by Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.


**I Don't Own iCarly or Green Eggs and Sam.**

**Dr. Seuss was a god. I am a mere mortal. A lame one at that.**

* * *

When Sam made her way into Carly's apartment, Freddie thought the usual would happen. She would bully him into giving up his seat and he would end up preparing a ludicrously large snack, hoping he would get it right unless he wanted to be turned inside out.

But that didn't happen. What actually occurred was something strange indeed.

"Hello, Freddie, here I am.

I am here and Sam I am."

"I know you're Sam, to my dismay,

but why talk in this rhyming way?"

"It makes things fun, exciting too,

when you list'n to me and I tell you

I've found some food for you to try,

Green eggs and ham between some rye."

Freddie frowned, his eyebrows dipped,

When he saw the sandwich in Sam's grip.

"That looks gross, disgusting, weird,

Something you'd find in hobos' beards.

It's green and rotten, old indeed,

Why do you have this monstrosity?"

Sam slapped Freddie (a common sight)

She began to talk, to set him right.

"It is not gross, disgusting, weird,

I didn't find it in a beard,

It's not green, not rotten, not old indeed,

It's full of protein and vite'man D."

Disbelief was etched across his face,

Healthy? He was certain: not the case.

"There is no way in hell or heck.

That thing's a certain stomach wreck."

"Ha," laughed Sam, in grinning glee,

"Just try a bite and then you'll see."

"Ha," laughed Fred, his arms were crossed,

"If I tried that, my life'd be lost."

"Trust me, Fredward, I've known you long,

Name me a time I've steered you wrong."

"I have counted, since we were friends,

The times I've met a deathly end,

And all the times where you held sway,

Would, towards the sun, stretch halfway.

So I don't trust your "Sam" advice,

Lest I want to pay the price."

Sam threw her arms about and wild,

Acting much a little child.

She shook his shoulders, shook him good,

"What would make you try this food?"

"I'm sorry, Sam," he shook his head,

"But where you walk, I fear to tread."

She thought a while, her brain in work,

How to convince a stupid dork.

And then a light bulb flashed its light,

_A convincing list, I will write._

"So you say you don't trust Mama,

Well, I'll insert this random comma.

,

And I'll suggest some ways you'll try,

Green eggs and ham between some rye."

Freddie sat and he leaned back,

"Tell me how I'll eat your snack."

"Would you eat it here or there?

Would you eat it anywhere?"

"I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"Would you eat it with no pants?

Would you eat it with some ants?"

"I would not eat it with no pants,

I would not eat it with some ants,

I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"Would you eat it on a swing?

Would you eat it in Beijing?"

"I would not eat it on a swing,

I would not eat it in Beijing,

I would not eat it with no pants,

I would not eat it with some ants,

I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"Would you eat it with Bordeaux?

Would you eat it with T-Bo?"

"I would not eat it with Bordeaux,

I would not eat it with T-Bo,

I would not eat it on a swing,

I would not eat it in Beijing,

I would not eat it with no pants,

I would not eat it with some ants,

I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"Would you eat it with some figs?

Would you eat it with Ms. Briggs?"

"I would not eat it with some figs,

And heavens knows not with Briggs,

I would not eat it with Bordeaux,

I would not eat it with T-Bo,

I would not eat it on a swing,

I would not eat it in Beijing,

I would not eat it with no pants,

I would not eat it with some ants,

I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"Would you eat it with some sauce?

How 'bout when you play lacrosse?"

"I would not eat it with some sauce,

And not when I go play lacrosse,

I would not eat it with some figs,

And heavens knows not with Briggs,

I would not eat it with Bordeaux,

I would not eat it with T-Bo,

I would not eat it on a swing,

I would not eat it in Beijing,

I would not eat it with no pants,

I would not eat it with some ants,

I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"Come on, try it, don't complain,

Maybe eat it on a plane."

"I would not eat it on a plane,

Jesus, Sam, you're insane."

"What if you did yoga first?

Would that quench your inner thirst?"

"I would never do yoga first,

That would be just the worst.

Just give up this hopeless quest,

Then I'll fin'ly get some rest."

"Never, nubface, I'll never quit,

I'll wear you down bit by bit."

"I'm adamant, Sam-am-I,

With me, this idea will not fly.

I would not eat it on a plane,

I cannot stand the yoga pain,

I would not eat it with some sauce,

And not when I go play lacrosse,

I would not eat it with some figs,

And heavens knows not with Briggs,

I would not eat it with Bordeaux,

I would not eat it with T-Bo,

I would not eat it on a swing,

I would not eat it in Beijing,

I would not eat it with no pants,

I would not eat it with some ants,

I would not eat it here or there,

I would not eat it anywhere.

Green eggs and ham between some rye,

I would not eat it, Sam-am-I."

"With your denial, you leave me no choice,

I'll punch you until you can't hear your own voice.

Your arms will be bruised, and also your legs,

If you don't try my green ham and eggs."

Freddie was scared, he knew she was serious,

She'd beat him until he was quite delirious.

"Argh, your argument's sound,

If I don't eat, my bones will be found,

In dumpster with trash all abound.

I'll eat your sandwich if you don't stick around."

Sam's yell was loud and very triumphant,

"I knew you'd give in, resist it you can't"

Freddie bit in with caution in mind,

But to his surprise, a surprise he did find.

"This is delicious if I say so myself,

I really—"

"I found it expired on my fridge'rator shelf."

* * *

Freddie wound up in a hospital bed,

An inch from a coma, from being brain dead.

And in his weak state he cursed Sam-am-I,

And green eggs and ham served up on some rye.

* * *

**So? How was it? **

**Please review.**


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